| HAAAaa |
[23 Sep 2007|04:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 high |
] |
dude.
|
|
| yeee |
[25 Aug 2007|06:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
$9.50 an hour? fuck yes.
|
|
| ... |
[23 Aug 2007|07:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
i really need to get my shit straight.
i need to get my priorities together.
i feel so betrayed right now.
thank god i am moving on from all this shit and really realizing that i need to shape up. i only wish i had realized earlier...
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|
| so |
[13 Aug 2007|08:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
i haven't smoked in three weeks... because i'm applying at jobs that drug test...
and i totaled the car the other day.
and dane allen has a fucking girlfriend.
i want to die.
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|
| hm |
[23 Jul 2007|03:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
it has been like a year since i wrote in this.. well...
dane allen sucks.
and jamie and i are good friends now and uhm she's dating brandon now thanks to me... uhm.. so much has been going on omg i really haven't written in this all junior year and now i'm a senior and ahhhhhhhhhgggggggg so yeah..
i secretly hope dane flunks out of FAU.
i keep getting grounded for pot..
ok an i just noticed that i used to write in this thing all.. smart-ish. and now i feel bad because to be honest i think i may have killed 50% of my brain cells over the past year and now i'm feeling mildly guilty.
i'm fucking stupid. what happened? i used to be so smart... shit dude.
WHY AM I ALWAYS GROUNDED OVER WEED i don't get it my dad is the biggest hypocrit.
so i've been chilling with david and scott and sal, roger, brandon, dane w, dane a, jay, felip, eric and folks over the past few weeks and i think maybe i should leave this crowd because i have lost all respect with most of them and it's my own fucking fault.
i mean i am all over dane allen everytime i see him and i just can't explain why i mean.. it is like chemistry, and energy that i get from him it feels ... magical. ok that sounded gay. but since nov. we've been hooking up and now i think he is really sick of me...
haha i made out with both danes this past weekend. funny.
ok fuck this i sound like a retard.
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|
| well |
[01 Oct 2006|01:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
today was nice =)
<33
|
|
| whoa it's been forever since i last updated |
[27 Sep 2006|08:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
well... let's see..
david and i have been over for a while... and although he swore he would never, NEVER talk shit about me if/when we broke up... he does. yep.. class A asshole right there.
i took it really badly.. REALLLLLY badly... and he's been with some new chick for a couple weeks now..
anyways... if you're wondering how i got over it...
i met someone new...
i had a hook up. then i ended up reallllly liking the guy and after a week or so, i've managed to hook him. now he's hinting that he likes me and well... i'm excited for whatever will happen next.
i deffinately needed this. david was a fuckface. ew. gross. ew...
and this new guy is amazing.. in every possible way...
i didn't know that a hook up could lead to this kind of thing but... i did it! i managed to turn the tables!
i couldn't be happier... =)
anyways homecoming is this weekend and, typical me, i'm not going. screw nhs. i'm bored of it and no one there interests me in the slightest. boring, dull, lame...
so that's my update!
loveeee helena
|
|
| ... |
[14 Aug 2006|06:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
first day of school was relitavely lame.
|
|
| school starts tomorrow |
[13 Aug 2006|10:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
...damn. i can't believe summer is over. ugh. when's the next vacation?? like.. thanksgiving? UGH. so i had a pretty okay trip.. on the way back i was really sick.. i got a hotel to myself in frankfurt then took a cab to the airport the next day.. i was in the same airplane as some heavy metal band who are now my friends, haha. they were pretty funny and the guitarist gave me his business card.. the band's name is jon oliva's pain. they were touring in europe.. anyways...... now i'm back. i've been here since monday. i've done a lot of shopping with the euros my grandpa gave me and my 250 euros exchanged to 300 dollars.. i've already spent 200 of that so i figure i'll save the last 100. been spending time with david. alyx got run over by a car. she has a leg brace and crutches... i think david might be angry with me because the last time i talked to him was yesterday and i said i didn't want to do anything because i was in a terrible mood.. and he didn't even call that night. ugh.
so... yeah. cool. i'm applying for a job at this new store in the mall (zumiez) because the people who work there are realllly nice and i like the store because it isn't as confusing and cramped as pac sun and aggro.. more spacious. less head-ache prone.
the other day i hung out with david at my aunt's house.. i showed him that i can, indeed, throw and catch a football like a dude. i learned lots of things from my ex-brothers. speaking of.. i really miss my tom boy days with those boys. we would explore and make forts in the woods, make bow and arrows, play different sports and video games.. those were the days. i hate being girly, it's no fun. i miss my childhood.... i spoke with alex (oldest ex-bro) yesterday and we were remembering those days together talking about how fun they were..
oh well.
|
|
| europe update |
[12 Jul 2006|09:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hot |
] |
i loveddddddddd italy.
now i'm in spain.
i loooove my boyfriend.
i am a terrible girlfriend.
i want to fucking move to rome.
ah..... rome.
oh.. and my grandma is a biiiitch.
ugh.
i miss my other grandma...
|
|
| .......... |
[24 Jun 2006|10:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
well last night i was with my mom around a bunch of drunk dancing people having fun. and i became very depressed because:
a) i don´t know anyone here
b) i wanted to get wasted so fucking badly for some reason and of course my mom was all like nooo
c) everyone else was wasted but me
d) i miss david
e) i hate myself for even contimplating the possibility that i´ll end up cheating
and f) the atmosphere really made me think of spain and my friends there and how much i miss it.. i wont be there for a couple weeks...
then my mom got pissed at me for being depressed and distant.. then this morning started yelling, bitching, and threatening.. i mean... she refuses to understand that i have reasons not to be thrilled sitting alone and sober with a bunch of drunk happy people around my same age that are having a blast.... but no, everything is about her.. if i seem to have a bad attitude, acting seclusive and sad, she takes it as a direct insult launched at her... ugh.
spain to me is one thing only... drinking and parties and the flirting that it results in... i can´t imagine why i´d do anything to hurt the one person who cares for me and understands more than anyone... the person that supports me most and makes me the most happy... but i also can´t imagine spain without the flirting factor...
i love you david.. and.... i am really gonna try.
|
|
| oooo |
[23 Jun 2006|11:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lethargic |
] |
so i´m in germany with my mom.. staying at my aunt´s house. i love frankfurt... damn it´s a nice temperature change.. i´ll be going to italy and of course spain also this summer. i love my boyfriend, david. looove him. miss him =( ... and i´m scared shitless that i might cheat.. i don´t trust myself.. i haven´t tested my commitment!! 6 fucking weeks... parties and drinking.. ahhhh... i LOVE him (for real) but.. i am a huuuuge flirt.
..going shopping now...
helenaaaaaaaa
|
|
| ...... |
[24 May 2006|08:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
i am so fucking depressed. the seniors are gone.
i hate it. this school is so completely lame without them here.
i really liked a lot of them. now i don't even fucking want to go here.
gay. gay. gay. wow i can't wait till spain. naples is so uncomfortabley hot.
next year will suck. i'll be a junior and the seniors will be boring.
they can't compare to the seniors of 06.
ugh. i. hate. everyone. here. this. is. boring. me. to. tears.
|
|
| so.. |
[08 May 2006|03:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
all is well. i guess.
i've been looking into what car i'm gonna get.
oh fun.
can't wait till i go to spain again. my mom talked to my dad last night on the phone and told him how things are going to be different this year.. she said "i'm going to make sure she has money everynight to buy her OWN drinks instead of what people give her and i will make sure she always leaves the house with condoms so she will be safe."
HAHAHAHA my dad was like................. i don't know actually but it was funny.
i'm pissed that my mom would say the condom thing though because really, think about it... having sex in foreign countries with foreign people is dirty. just suggesting that i'd do that pisses me off.
anyways..
MELISSA if you read this i thought about you this morning haha.. remember when the window on the bus shattered and through the whole route we were poking pieces of glass out onto the road. haha. that was fun.
the act of poking in itself is just so thrilling.
ok so i'm gonna go.
byeeeeeee
|
|
| bleh |
[19 Apr 2006|11:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
so..
i am actually kind of getting along with my dad. weird.
and.. i still get sick every morning. and know why.
i get sick and usually throw up everytime the adderall wears off completely.
which is.. the next morning. so .. it sucks.
i'm slowly gaining back my weight. with much effort.
and.. i absolutely hate waldo. he can die.
kay i'm done.
|
|
| whoa ok |
[10 Apr 2006|03:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 scared |
] |
ok. there is something wrong with me..
a) i felt sick and threw up around 5am on both friday and sunday..
b) i weighed myself yesterday and saw that i lost about five pounds..
i hate this.
which is more important to take care of.. my body or my mind?
adderall helps a great deal in school, i've never had this kind of focus. i've never had people call me blonde BUT smart or ask me if they solved a math problem right. but now everyone can see that i'm actually really fucking smart, when i'm focussed. for the first time, my grades are good.. BUT i am losing weight and i can feel it and i notice it everytime i have food in front of me. i'll eat a little bit then feel grossed out at the thought of eating more. in the morning i'll stare at my bagel until it makes me feel sick. i just... can't eat much. and i hate it. usually i would always get tons food in school and pig out.. and now i'm just.. not hungry.
i don't know what to do and i am really scared about what will happen..
i finally gained weight from being on the pill then all of a sudden i lose the pounds i was so happy about having gained.
i'm terrified.
what's it gonna be.. my future or my health?
also.. wtf.. i can't get over this stupid crush. ugh i hate fucking mixed signals. stop flirting with me unless you're interested. just be a dick to me please so i can hate you and move on.
last thing, i swear- i discovered a new band that i really like.. they're so original.. i can't even classify their music.. trent likes them so i decided to check them out.. you should too. they're called "TV on the Radio" ... kay i'm out
|
|
| bahhh |
[08 Apr 2006|06:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
i wanted to drive to miami today.. but that for some reason was cancelled.. i wanted to check out this huge mall.. anyways.. i've been missing school.. friday morning i felt sick and i threw up. then my dad asked me if i'm pregnant. and i got angry that he'd even consider that to be an option but then i thought it was funny and laughed. ahahah. and no i most deffinatley am not pregnant.
|
|
| weird. |
[03 Apr 2006|11:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
i've been extremely depressed for no reason...
and last night i discovered that i have been grinding my teeth which is causing some of my teeth to be like.. fucked up. and it isn't noticeable but.. i notice it. so i think i will end up at the dentist's office to get some of them like.. filed so the little chips arent there. well.. it is actually only one tooth. but i hate it.
anyways.. something must be terribley wrong because i am angry and extremely sad and grinding my teeth a lot.. and i'm not sure why.
and oh.. i'm deffinately and "indigo child".
like.. if there really is such thing, that would describe me well and help me understand why i feel so different from everyone else i know..
ok.. well i'm out.
|
|
| holy SHYTTT |
[31 Mar 2006|01:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
ok. after a long two weeks of feeling unfocussed and crappy from that damn ritalin the stupid doctor had me take.. i went back. and demanded a prescription for adderall because i hate ritalin and it does nothing and we argued but in the end.. i got my way. and i must say i am one smart motherfucker because this drug is a MIRACLE. i just completed more math that i have like.. ever.. in like 5 minutes. i am on the GO! wired. wired. wired. damn. this is cool.
so.. i'm wearing a skirt and i never wear skirts. and .. i decided today that make up is over rated and it really does nothing. if you're ugly.. too bad. it wont help. if you're pretty.. it might make you a little prettier. but. i am not putting anything under my eyes again. it just makes me look emo. not really. but it's too much work and idc.
and i have a running commentary in my head. i am just speaking to myself.. in my brain.
ok i'm done.
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